


Freezing

by OnlyOneWoman



Category: Animal Kingdom (TV)
Genre: Beach Sex, Belize - Freeform, Boys In Love, Derdrian, Emotional Constipation, Hand Jobs, Homophobia, Idiots in Love, Implied/Referenced Unhealthy Mother/Son Relationship, Kissing, M/M, Naked Cuddling, Self-Hatred, Tenderness, Unresolved Emotional Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-12
Updated: 2017-07-12
Packaged: 2018-12-01 08:44:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11482797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OnlyOneWoman/pseuds/OnlyOneWoman
Summary: For some reason, I needed another Belize fic with my angsty sons. This time on the beach.





	Freezing

He hates cosseting. Pope, Craig and Barry have always teased him about it, like they’re not all treated like mommy’s little boys whenever it suits Smurf. When it serves her interests. It’s pathetic and far easier to admit that when he’s away from her. From all of them. Deran knows he’s more or less the stereotype for a spoiled brat, a mommy’s boy who’s made regularly attempts to revolt throughout the years and always with the same, pathetic result. After some days away, licking his wounds and using up his money on shit while punishing her with silence and suspence, he’d come crawling back home and let her coddle him until she was more or less bursting with self-congratulation.  
  
Deran knows how it works, how Smurf wants it to work and he’s never been strong enough to get more than some respite from her web. She’s his mother for God’s sake and sometimes Deran feels like the umbilical cord only gets tighter and thicker the more he tries to cut it. He hates how good Smurf is to make him feel special, how desperately he’s been for her approval because not having her approval is to not have her love and no one but a Cody can love a Cody. It’s never been said like that, of course, but they all know it. They’re Smurf’s boys first of all and only second they’re brothers, friends and lovers to others. As long as their choises suit her. If they don’t, she will make sure they feel how uncomfortable and risky a life away from her mothering warmth will be.  
  
_Mothering warmth…_ Deran’s skin form goosebumps from those words and not the good kind. The Belize sun suddenly seems to have lost it’s glow and Deran shivers despite the heat.  
  
”You’re freezing?”  
  
Adrian’s hair is dripping and he’s beginning to remove his wetsuit with a smile. Deran frowns.  
  
”Fuck you.”  
  
His friend just looks at him for a moment, eyes calm and then he turns away and gets out of the wetsuit and grabs his towel. Adrian is used to Deran’s shit by now. His inability to talk about anything real, his restlessness and the issues with Smurf hanging over him like a fucking cloud. Belize is a hiding place, Deran can’t pretend to himself it’s not, and ironically it’s still hard to breathe. The smothering from Smurf has been replaced with something far, far more pleasant but Deran still feels like he’s being choked.  
  
Adrian is the first, no, the _only_ guy he’s been with and despite Deran’s desperate tries to tell himself it’s just about sex, that he’s not gay and Adrian just happened to be that one in a million, the exception confirming the rule, that Deran’s been with lots of chicks without problem and sure as hell aint the one taking it up the ass, he knows on some level that he’s not felt like this for anyone before and that makes him mean. And when he’s mean to Adrian, just makes Deran hate himself more.  
  
Their hidden place on the beach is really not that hidden, but no one knows them here and that’s why Deran doesn’t move away, snap or mock Adrian when he’s laying down all naked on his towel to let the wind and morning sun dry him. His slightly tanned skin is glistening from the water, the brown hair drips on the towel and Deran forgets about Smurf, the life he’s on the run from and what he is and isn’t. He seats himself behind Adrian, crosslegged and lifts the wet head onto his lap. A small, almost invisible smile curves Adrian’s lips and Deran starts cardening his nails through the short hair, scratching the scalp just like Adrian loves it.  
  
Deran never lets Adrian return the favour, never allows him to be soft with him. Their kisses are always quite rough, the sex damn amazing but no matter if Adrian is on his knees, on all four or riding him, if Deran swallows him whole or makes Adrian squirm and curse from having his tongue up his ass, there’s just no way Deran will tolerate any softness. As closeted as he is, Deran is not afraid to explore every piece of Adrian’s body with hands, tongue and cock, go rough or soft, fast or slow to discover all the ways he can make Adrian gasp, shiver and shout. But it’s a one way thing, always.  
  
He’s not like the average closet case, who doesn’t want to kiss, who just wants blowjobs or mindless fucking from behind to pretend he’s with a chick. It’s just that he can’t seem to stand any kind of tenderness towards _him_ and when they’re fucking, he can spend long moments just lapping at Adrian’s rim while looking him in the eyes or share kisses when Adrian rides him, is unthinkable. Deran can give but never receive and not only in terms of fucking.  
  
Adrian moves further up onto his lap, eyes closed and turns his head to the side, resting on Deran’s thigh. The callous fingers keep scraping Adrian’s hair and Deran’s right hand moves slowly over his chest, not teasingly or rough like when he pinches his nipples hard during sex, but soft and undemanding.  
  
This is all so very new to him. Being the one giving the soft touches, the one needed and not just the one who’s supposed to be in need. Deran loves fucking Adrian, loves sucking, licking and biting him, loves kissing him, loves how he curls up in his arms by night, how he grasps for him in his sleep and sometimes wakes Deran up with his snoring he swears he’s not doing. Deran has threatened to record him for proof. He loves Adrian’s voice when he’s sleepish and slow, his shitty taste in movies and how he rides the waves like he was fucking born on his board. Yes, he loves this little safe space they’ve carved out for themselves and all things belonging to it. He’s just not fucking _in love_ with Adrian and he’s definately not gay.  
  
_Adrian…_ Adrian is… Just a regular guy and still like no one else. They’re friends and at the same time not because you just don’t spend hours between your friends legs or sleep naked with them. You don’t fucking have their heads on your lap, stroking their hair and count freckles in their faces. A friend doesn’t make your heart raise, doesn’t make you blush or loose breath with a single smile.  
  
Deran has had occasional lovers, chicks he’s been with because it’s easy if also not what he actually wants. Chicks who like to take it the way Deran likes it, who’ve been amazing with their mouths and known their stuff but it’s never even been close to how Adrian feels, writhering under, over, around him, moaning and panting, legs swirling around him, head tossing and those muscles clenching like he could squeeze Deran dry. Unlike Deran, Adrian isn’t ashamed of who he is or what he wants and here, in their hidden little paradise, Deran can forget about the shame. At least lock it away.  
  
Adrian never tries to touch him softly. He’s a quick learner who can feel Deran tensing, freezing on the spot or pulling back before it comes to a confrontation that will cause a conversation neither of them wants. Deran hates that he loves talking to him, that he enjoys their silent moments together and can spend hours in bed just watching Adrian sleep. He hates loving this and he pulls Adrian further up to lay on his chest, lay them both down in the sand so Adrian can rest on top of him.  
  
The gorgeous man fits so perfectly between his legs and Deran hates how good it feels just having the weight of Adrian anchoring him to the ground, how all this sunwarm softness makes him hard and longing, not for a quick, nameless release but for this guy riding him slow and driving him mad until Adrian comes all over him and Deran can plant his feet on the ground and just slam his way home. He hates how the only soft touches he can recall are Smurf’s, how he can’t tell Adrian that it’s not _his_ hands he doesn’t want but anyones because they just turn into _hers_.  
  
Adrian gets a hand between them, tugs at the towel and Deran lets him, encourages him and soon there is just saltstained, smooth skin against Deran’s body, another man’s strenght and weight, muscles and cock grinding hard against him. The touch isn’t soft but not as rough as Deran wants it and he hates that he doesn’t want it now, that instead he needs more of _this_ because for the first time another person’s hands don’t remind him of Smurf, that it’s only Adrian, only his hands travelling across his skin making Deran crazy with want, just so much want it feels like it simply _has_ to be showing on his face.  
  
Instead of going down, Adrian slots their mouths together in a demanding kiss and Deran is helpless to refuse him as he jerks them both in one hand, closing his lips over Adrian’s gasping moans and swirls his legs around him like Adrian does when Deran takes him, in a way Deran fucking shouldn’t do but he wants, just _wants_ this so badly and even after he comes, after Adrian collapses like a ragdoll on his chest, both of them panting and sticky and just simply too hot for this much closeness, Deran still wont let go, still isn’t satisfied.  
  
Then Adrian does what he shouldn’t, what he’s not dared to do before, and rests his head in the crook of Deran’s neck, placing soft kisses in the space between the ear and line of hair. He does it despite the warnings, like he can’t help himself and Deran is too tired, too heavy and breathless to stop him, to stop the hand from stroking his hair, the lips from nibbling his earlobe. He allows it because Deran’s sick of being the asshole, sick of trying to make Adrian despise him as much as Deran despises himself. And when he feels his lover’s breaths go heavy, Deran doesn’t even realise he just called Adrian _lover_ in his head, doesn’t notice how he keeps stroking the freckled arms or doesn’t have any intention of moving him.  
  
A soft snore slips from Adrian’s mouth and Deran smiles. He’s stopped freezing now.


End file.
